Chapter Three: Erd Tells His Father About The Key And A Doctor Stubs His Toe

    I have always found nature shows interesting. I don't know why. The same stuff happens every time. Maybe I enjoy them because they are the most realistic of reality shows. You can't really train wild animals. They do scandalous things with no idea that it's scandalous. "What's wrong," a croc friend asked me at my disgusted look. "I'm just tearing off a zebra's hindquarters!"  
   
    On second though, the idea that animals don't care isn't so comforting. There are few regulations on wild animals. Squirrels run amok in city parks, unfettered by an legal restrictions. That worries me now. Maybe they're planning something? I'm getting really worried! There are quadrillions of bugs, many of them carrying lethal diseases! Dang...what was I saying? I've completely lost my train of thought. I should really start with an outline or something before I begin these things. I had hoped to tie the nature stuff in with Zog. Whatever. Where did I leave off last time?    
    
    Anyways.

    After much though, Erd had decided to tell his father the story of the Key. "Dad," Erd said to Father Zog one day. "I need to tell you something."

    "Are you finally going to me about that blasted key?" Father asked. "You send it to me to keep safe, and then you take it back from me first thing! If you're going to involve me in your secrets, I think I should know some of them."

    "True, true," said Erd. "I haven't been very honest with you. But I didn't want either you or Mom brought into any danger."

    "What danger would we be in, though?"
    
    "To tell you the truth, I'm not sure. They haven't been very keen on telling us what they're all about..."

    "Who hasn't? Who were those people who were following your mother and me? And how come they buggered off when we flashed the Vulcan Greeting?"

    "Again, we aren't exactly sure where they're from. We saw them giving each other that greeting, and so sometimes we copied it, and then they would sort of disappear. When I sent you the Key I had a hunch that they would find out where I sent it and try to steal it from you."

    "Soo...why is the key so important?" Father was getting impatient.

    "Aha! Now that is an interesting yarn. The history of the Key is part legend, part fact. It stems deep from the hidden wells of Norse mythology, and is not well known."

    "So what is it?"
    
    "Do you know about the god Thor, and his hammer?" Erd asked, lowering his voice for dramatic effect.

    "Sure, god of thunder with a hammer. Check."

    "Well, one of the stories says that Thor also had a Key, made for him by the same gnomes who crafted his powerful hammer. So according to legend, the Key belonged to the Thunder-god himself, and was used in his battles against the foul Jotuns. They were the giants who warred against the Aesair gods."

    "Thank you for the mythology lesson. Now: the KEY?!?!"

    "I'm sorry! My personal research and study causes me to believe that there once indeed was a man called Thor, but not the god himself. He was very strong, but also very stupid. He brought all of the gold that he had won in fights with other barbarians to the gnomes, and paid them to build him a weapon unlike any other. They did, but of course there was a catch. When he came back collect his weapon, he found that the craftsmen had made him naught but a simple Key. He was angered, because he thought the key to be something worthless. Rashly, he threw the Key as far as he could away from him, took to drink, and died alone and friendless.

    "I know all of this because of research I have done into local Icelandic history. Centuries later, a certain Dr. Hubert Humphrey was on sabbatical in Iceland-"

    "Who vacations in Iceland?" Father interrupted.
    "HUBERT HUMPHREY, APPARENTLY!" Erd shouted. "Now, I thought you wanted to hear about the Key!"

    "I do...you're lucky I didn't interrupt earlier..." said Father, rather sheepishly.

    "I continue: Dr. Humphrey was on sabbatical in Iceland when he stubbed his toe on something."

    "He was waltzing around Iceland in bare feet?"

    "Dad!"

    "I'm sorry!" Father crossed his arms.

    "ANYWAY... he stubbed his toe on the Key! The same Key that Thor had chucked hundreds of years ago! He found out that it had powerful, if very erratically manifested, powers."

    Father mumbled "powerful powers?" but otherwise kept silent.

    "He passed the key down through the generations, from father to son, until the last Humphrey had no children. He did have, however, a student. That student was named Erd Zog."

    "Hey! That's your name!" said Father with mock surprise.

    "It was me, Dad! I was his student!"
    
    "I know that, son. It was a...never mind."

    "I was his prized student," continued Erd with a bit of pride in his voice. "He trusted me with everything. So before he died, he left me with the Key, and told me of it's powers and legacy. He knew that after all this time, someone was bound to find out about it, and try to use its power for evil."

    "I'm sorry," interrupted Father again. "I have to ask this: if you could be someone's prized student, how come you work at a Wendy's?"

    "Yeah..." said Erd slowly.”Um, that's another thing I wasn't exactly honest about. I don't work at Wendy's. But that's another story for another day."

    Father said: "Fine. I'll wait. Again."

    "Good. So now I am the keeper of the Key, and when Zig becomes a man I'll pass the Key on to him. But it won't be as easy for the Zogs as it was for the Humphreys. Now we are being followed. Followed by the forces of darkness. They are trying to steal the Key from us, and we can't let them!"

    There was a pause.

    "Haven't I seen this in a movie somewhere?" Father asked.

    Erd sighed.